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Saturday, March 26, 2016

Grateful



I'm full of the conflicting feelings of sadness and gratefulness.

I'm grateful for my amazing friends, ICSA family, and family.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to come home when I needed to be with my Dad. I'm grateful to have understanding and compassionate bosses that supported my trip home.

I'm grateful for the chance to say goodbye. So many people are not granted that opportunity.

I'm sad that Michael will not have any memories with my Dad. He will never experience for himself the kind, generous, compassionate, and giving man that he was named after.

I'm sad that my family has to endure this incredible heartbreak.

I'm sad that at every family event from now on, there will be someone missing, who should be there.

I'm sad that my Dad is dying, right before my eyes.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I pray that this is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.

On Tuesday, March 22nd, Amy sent me a message to call her. She said that Dad had refused further treatment and the doctor was giving him a month the live.  I made some calls and did all the housekeeping things that were needed and about 24 hours later, Michael and I were on our way to airport. Our ICSA family was incredibly helpful. I will forever be thankful for those angels who made a tough time much more bearable.

Michael was a rock star on the flights. God was looking out for us. I've never been able to gate check a stroller to Paris. Paris has free strollers but they don't recline and are hard to find. We were able to gate check the stroller this flight. We ended up with a 9 hour lay over in Paris and it was wonderful to have our stroller.  Michael was able to take a few naps in the airport. Our last flight was non-eventful, which is an accomplishment for a 9 1/2 hour flight. We arrived in Atlanta on Thursday night around 10pm. Amy and the boys came to meet us.

We came to Alabama on Friday. I was just not prepared for the condition of my Dad. I mean, I knew, but I was still shocked at what I saw. I think he recognized me, but I can't be sure. He has not really left the bed in a week. Saturday, he stood up and asked to take a shower. He said 'Hi, buddy' to Michael.

Hospice made their first visit Friday afternoon.

Dad has stopped eating but is still drinking water. He can ask for water.

When I tell him 'I love you,' he replies with an 'I love you.'

The doctors said 1-3 months, but closer to 1. I don't think it will be that long.

I was secretly hoping to miss the funeral. My return ticket is bought so I wanted to come and spend time and say my goodbyes. I don't think it will work out that way.

I know that God grants miracles and could intervene and heal him, but I'm just not sure that its God's plans for him to recover. That is a hard pill to swallow.

I'm thankful for this time to spend with my family. Michael has warmed up nicely to the cousins and Nana, even though we have only been here 2 days.

I enjoyed going to Walmart and buying stuff for an Easter basket. They now make fake eggs to decorate. This is what happens when you leave the country for 5 years.

This will be the first year for Michael to do an Easter egg hunt. I'm excited for that.

I also have 2 job interviews for next week. One is a second interview for a school in Panama; the other is for a school in Singapore.

We have had breakfast at Crackle Barrel and Waffle House.

Michael has been sleeping from 9pm-5am. Not too bad for a 6 hour time difference.